Life of a Lostark Forum Poster

Decided to do some creative writing, let’s see how long before this gets removed, if ever.

John Smith, who is 19, has never really played much of MMORPGs in his life, however, after hearing a lot about a game called Lostark, he decided to give it a try.

John is initially amazed by the graphics and fluid combat system, but he was not able to experience the power fantasy he enjoyed when he used to play single player games like Uncharted on Xbox. He did not understand MMORPG is just another society he’s living in, albeit virtually. Just like any other societies, it is difficult to be on top. There are ways to hike up the social ladder, be hardworking, be smart, cheat, or pay. John is not going to work for a “game”, he doesn’t have intelligence check required to read guides on Maxroll, cheating was never really an option, and of course, he’s not paying for something in the virtual world, that is just plain stupid.

Everyday, the frustration builds. Every image of a 1400+ player, every post about people spending money in the game, makes his a little more hateful.

After long day of flipping burgers at the McD, he finally got home tired. Where other people needs coffee or relaxation, John just needs to read r/antiwork. “I quit my job and slapped my boss 40 times until he agree capitalisms is bad and then I got a job that pays 3X more by lying about my non-existing college degree” he reads. He agrees 100% with every word, the fire is burning in his soul, this is the movement he wants to be part of. The energy is flushing through his vain and he decided to log in to Lostark to do some Raids.

Road of sorrow it is. John’s first T2 abyss dungeon! “Oh nice, an 1370 T3 carrying the raid, must be ezpz.” John thinks after he checks his party members. Which seemed to be true with the first boss defeated in no time. “X3 is position, let me know if you don’t understand, I can explain.” said the 1370 person. John has no idea what that means, but he is too afraid to say anything, he didn’t want to be looked down as Low T Beta who don’t know how to play the game. “Go to your position and catch the yellow orbs” yelled the 1370 player. John ignored it because he think that’s just condescending jabberish, reminded him of his McD manager. John’s screen turns red, “Raid Failed” it says. “No biggie, let’s just try again,” he thought. “Please wait, let me explain before we start the raid again” said the 1370 player. John was never going to listen to this person, he probably sold his house to get to 1370. In fact, the person must be dumber than John, why else would he sold his house for a game. Raid started again, John dies again, team wiped again. A vote of no confidence was casted and the party quitted the raid.

John felt down, “This game is stupid” he thought. This is a design flaw that needs to be fixed, the raid is just too hard for “casual” players. He logged on to the Lostark Forum. “Amazon needs to fix this ASAP or the game is dead” he wrote in the title. “If Amazon give everyone everything and infinite resource for honing with 100% chance, the game is going to be better.” Like minded replies starts to come in, “Why should we play the game to finish the game?” “This, Amazon should give us everything.” “1490 gear should be given to all players, it’s basic gamer rights.”

John feels powerful, he’s leading the movement. “We shouldn’t have to play the game to play the game.” is his motto. People rallied behind him, marching with him. “I am going to change the (Lostark) world!” He believes.

Alarm rings, John wakes up for his early morning shift. He no longer feels small driving his 96 Civic, which had a straight pipe modification so people know when his VTEC kicks in. He’s talking to Bezos directly through his post and Amazon can’t afford to lose a player leader like him. It would sink the company.

John has ascended, he’s no longer playing the game called Lostark, he’s playing the Lostark Forum. Where he finally feels powerful for once in his life.

“What should I complain about today?” John thinks as he walks in to McD to starts his burger flipping day.

The End

  • Partially based on a true story of my experience in raids.

omg tldr


Ah Yea, I forgot about the lack of attention span, totally my bad. Let me change all the you to u to shorten the text just for you.



People wich are unwilling/ incapable of learning/utilize the nerve spaghetti in their heads are ricers and think they are the pinnacle of current and past existance in every way.


thats literally 90% of forum posters



This got a hearty chuckle out of me.


Well, it was a random cheap shot at the Ricers. Don’t really have anything against them tbh, just feels like the right stereotype to throw in there.

It is what they are asking, they just can’t condense their random thoughts into a diguestable sentence, so I am here to help.

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Bro idk what you on about but where I live burger flippers are earning almost as much as medical assistants.

I read the whole thing & giggled. Poor John, he’s on a quest to bring equity to Lost Ark.

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Fanfic is best when it’s true like this post


Glad to make people smile. Mark my word, John will make Lostark great again.


:joy: so true

got a mistake here. average forum poster doesnt have a job.

good writeup. thanks for the laugh!

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Nah, your literature really just isn’t as interesting as you think it is.


We aren’t shaming people working at McDs are we? I really hope not.

Wow what a great honor to have my meme post to be called literature. Thank you.


calm down its a joke. dont do a will smith

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